Sunday, January 6, 2013

Quite Time {Life Lately}

 
I've been quiet.
I'm going to say it's been about reflecting.
Yes, more reflecting and less lazy.
I'll admit, NYE and NYD were pretty low key.
It was nice to be lazy.
You know the stay in your PJs all day kind of lazy.
 
So I've been quiet.
Soaking in the last few moments before the back to school rush.
 School drop off and pick up.
Dance class starts again.
Life starts again.
 
There is another reason I been so quiet though.
 
 
I'm having a mammogram on Wednesday.
I'll give it to you straight, since I hate, like H-A-T-E,
vague and mysterious Facebook posts.
You know the ones, "Help me Jesus", "Prayers Needed",
"I'm just in a bad place right now".
I hate those, so here's the story:
 
I have a bump on my boob.
Not a lump, but a bump.
It's hard, like a seed (nurse practitioner voice).
When it popped up 4 weeks ago, it appeared to be a pimple.
Ok, a pimple.
So of course I looked it up on wikipedia, and found out I was dying.
I ignored both the bump and wikki.
 
By Christmas it wasn't as red, or painful, but still there.
So I thought maybe I should ask my OBGYN.
I made a note to call.
The day after Christmas I was forced to call since every
movement made my whole boob hurt.
My armpit too.
 
My appointment was Friday.
 
The NP did my breast exam and asked me tons of questions.
Which is completely awkward.
Making eye contact with someone while they "examine" your boobs.
Having a full on convo while topless.
Awkward.
 
Here are some terms that were thrown out.
"thickening of the tissue", "fibrous", "seed like mass", "diagnostic",
"mammogram", "cysts", "ultrasound".
My head spun.
 
I get it.
I know I'm not the first person to have a mammogram.
Or have found something abnormal on their boobs.
But I'd be a big liar if I said I wasn't a little nervous.
Or a lot nervous.
 
Friday night I wrote the longest, most dramatic, post ever
written on this blog.
Thank God, the hubbs had me wait to publish it.
It was just for me.
To get me to here.
So I could share this with you in a sane and calm voice.
Instead of Hot Mess Hattie.
 
My last post was titled "A rock and a Freak out".
That's how I felt.
Caught between the two.
I cried for a bit.
On and off all day.
To get it out.
So I could move on.
 
Today I was just quiet.
Quietly thinking about the bump.
Quietly thinking about what to make for dinner.
Quietly thinking about just being here.
Right here.
 
Between a question and an answer.
 
 
Linking up with Alli

18 comments:

  1. Good, good thoughts and big virtual bear hugs your way!!

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  2. Thinking of you, friend!
    Without getting into too much detail, I've had some similar concerns and will be making an appointment to see my doctor soon. I'm stuck between paranoia & denial. :S
    Big hugs to you!!
    Send me an email if you need to talk! ♥

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  3. I'll be praying for you!! Wishing you calmness as you get the mammogram and praying for good results!

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  4. praying for you friend!! be as quiet or as hot mess as you need to! xo

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  5. Sending thoughts and prayers your way lady!
    Ashley

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  6. Bump, Bump
    Go Away
    Come Back
    NEVER!

    Here for you, lovey!

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    1. I second Nay's remarks! And everyone else's - PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING!!! Also - Rock and a Freak Out is a terribly appropriate title - I think I would have used it. :)

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  7. Lifting you up Megs and am anxious to see how it goes! LOVE YOU MUCHO! Feel free to contact me if you need to me! XOXOXO

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  8. I am praying so hard for you meg!!! Please don't hesitate to text, call, e-mail, whatever if you need to talk! I love you tons!!! xoxo

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  9. Praying for you, friend. <3 Keep me posted.

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  10. I will definitely be praying for you! I know firsthand how scary this can be. I found a lump in my breast when I was 21. I blew it off at first but finally got it checked. After having a biopsy it turned out to just be a fibroid. I know the unknown can be scary but hang in there!!

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  11. I will definitely be praying for you! I know firsthand how scary this can be. I found a lump in my breast when I was 21. I blew it off at first but finally got it checked. After having a biopsy it turned out to just be a fibroid. I know the unknown can be scary but hang in there!!

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  12. Thinking of you and for being so brave to even post about it! You never knew someone could be reading who could have something similar but be too afraid to make that call! Hoping everything goes a-okay for you! Thanks for linking this post!

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  14. Hi, Great post. Good luck. i will be praying for you. It's such a scary thing. I found you through the blog hop. Please stop by and say hi when you get a chance.
    Be sure and check out my new Blog Hop that we just started, It's Weekly Goals Link Up. It's a great way to stay on track. Have a great day. :) Here's the link in case you want to check it out. Thanks again.http://lenettacarnes.blogspot.com/2013/01/weekly-goals-linkup-1.html

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  15. I hope it is nothing. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2011, after finding a lump two days before Thanksgiving. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

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