Sunday, January 30, 2011

I never ...


Let’s all play a favorite drinking game of years gone by… I NEVER… You know the game, where everyone gets together with their beverage of choice and while sitting in a circle each person gets to state an “I never…”  The “I never" is usually something they have done, which of course is the whole point, so that they can drink, thus getting drunk faster.

Now, let’s play, but all the “I never”s have to be kid/baby/parenting related… Pick your poison, and go… Me first:

I’ve never let my kid cry endlessly while I check facebook/finish watching Glee/finish said chapter of Twilight…

I’ve never let my kid sleep in bed with me…

I’ve never slept in my kid’s toddler bed, on their floor, next to their crib…

I’ve never let my kid have 2 more Oreos just so I could finish a conversation with another adult…

Are you drunk yet?

It’s funny, but it’s also very telling of what we are doing in our own homes and what we really aren’t afraid to admit.  Oreos never hurt anyone, well unless you’re allergic.  Crying hasn’t harmed any children.  Toddler beds on the other hand are all together uncomfortable but the only people they are hurting are parents.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a parent is “Never say Never”.  Karma will make sure it bites you in the ass.  Seriously!  Here are some of my favorite examples and how they came back and bit me with a vengeance.  You may recall similar stories in your own life.

“I’ll never let my kid cry like that in Target/Costco/Grocery Store of your choice”
I actually said this.  Out loud to myself prior to having little ones.  I was at Target buying laundry detergent which is coincidently right next to the toys.  My friend Krysten swears this is because Target does the Devil’s handiwork.  Anyway, there I was an early 20’s gal, buying some Tide and I hear the blood curdling screams of some child.  I also hear the mother pleading with said screamer.  My assumption, bad mother, equally bad kid, why can’t you coral that wild animal??? So stupidly, I swore on the spot that would never be me.  Fast-forward about 8 years and there I stand begging Caitlin to just pick a Barbie, and No I’m not buying the $45 Disney Princess Spectacular!!  Jokes on me right? Karma got me good?  Hell yes it did, because now I’m her and all the 20 somethings buying Tide are cursing me.  Well jokes on them, they’ll be me in due time.

“I’ll never let my baby cry it out”
Yes, I was that mom who thought it inhumane.  I thought how could you just let that poor baby lay there and cry?  Now I know, because you were tired and cranky and were actually crying it out yourself.  I’ve done this with both kids now and they are in fact fine.   I’m actually a better mother for it, and it gets results.  My husband gets all the credit here, he convinced me to do it with Caitlin, and it made bedtime so much easier.  It also made it possible for me to watch all my favorite shows, the nights they were on, at the said time they were on.  Alas, it didn’t last after we brought #2 home, but those 12 months or so were excellent!

“I’ll never let my kid wear their pjs/princess costume/pirate costume to the store”
Guilty as charged.   Again I was that 20 something at Target walking the aisles and stopped dead in my tracks when a harried mom walked by pushing the signature red cart with a Cinderella in the basket.  This was not just any Cinderella either.  This was a toddler Cinderella, with a stained blue ball gown, bright red lipstick smeared on her face, ruby red sparkly Dorothy of Oz heels, tiara, and a chocolate chip cookie in her tiny toddler hand.  I was shocked that this woman let her child out of the house looking this way.  Surely she had the time to clean the child’s face and put regular clothes on her tiny body.  Surely this would never happen to me…
Oh it happened, tenfold.  Let’s just say that this time last year the only thing Caitlin would wear were panda bear pajamas.  Yes, that’s right Panda Bear Pajamas.  I had to go back to Costco and buy 4 additional pairs, because she would wear the one pair day after day, dirty or not.  Of course I would let her because of the tantrums that would ensue.  Who has the time to negotiate with at 2 almost 3 year old, who has better negotiating skills than any hostage taker.  How about a peanut butter cup if you wear this outfit instead of pjs?  How about Dr. Pepper?  How about a new doll?  Nothing!  It was panda jammers of the highway.  Eventually she started to wear other things, but I have been known to take Sleeping Beauty to Target, a toddler in Stripped pants and floral shirt in un-coordinating colors to the grocery store, and let my daughter wear Christmas themed clothes in March.

I guess the lessons are learned.  As our babies grow into toddlers, and then preschoolers and so on and we learn to compromise.  Saying never to anything is like a declaration for the exact opposite to happen.  Think about it, NEVER is a really long time.  To say never is to make a promise that is almost unbreakable.  It’s like the unbreakable vow (Harry Potter Fans)!  For most of us our “nevers” are fewer and farther between, because we have learned our lessons.  There is no one right way and there are certainly no actual wrong ways.  I’m finding everything about Motherhood is a learning experience even this second time around.  I’m sure that there would be lessons a third time around.  That’s no big deal since I’m never getting pregnant again.

OH CRAP!!!

Happy Blogging,
Megan

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Take this job and SHOVE IT...

Ok, so not really, but this job is hard.  In fact motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had and most likely will ever have.  What amazes me is that I didn't have to apply for it.  I didn't need a resume or references.  Which is probably a good thing since I'm sure there were babies and children in my past that would have for sure put the kibosh on me being a mom.

Is it ok to say that some days I really do hate this job?  I'm sure you are all thinking what an evil horrible mother, God help her babies!  Or perhaps not.  Being a mother has great rewards, your beautiful children who love you no matter what, their happy smiling faces, the strangers that compliment you on such nice and perfect children.... Except that doesn't happen every day.

Let's stop for a moment and talk about the guts, the nitty gritty, the REAL job description of MOTHERHOOD.  If I saw this job on Craigslist I would have deleted it from making it into my email. 
Wanted: Someone to be on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week; cook, clean; change diapers, pull ups, and occasional soiled underwear: don't forget to grocery shop, Target, Walmart, Costco, ET AL; Ability to be nurse, doctor, dentist, psychotherapist, counselor, cheerleader, concierge, taxi driver and all around journey man; A permanent smile is required, your personal hygiene in optional; Husband available; NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED.  PAY: NONE, Holidays: NONE, Vacation days: NONE, Sick Days: NONE, Mental Health days optional depending on doctors note or spouse and or family committal.Who on God's green earth would have applied for this job?  Raise your hands...
 
So it's not always that bad, but on a typical bad mommy day at my house the following is happening: My 8 month old is screaming at me, really screaming, from her walker while I try in vain to make breakfast for myself and my almost 4 year old, which I will eat, COLD.  Then in the middle of it all said 8 month old will produce the smelliest diaper, which will then lead to the ultimate dilemma: change her now and eat a really cold breakfast, or change her after eating, and ruin a luke warm breakfast.  After everyone is fed, diapered, and taken to the potty, said 8 month old may be ready for a nap, said toddler is ready to argue her way into candy, soda, cookies, and you are ready to drink your lunch.  As the day progresses, I have yet to comb my hair or brush my teeth, toddler has cried and carried on about wearing tights and dresses, dirty pjs or pigtails in her hair, and infant has decided that crawling is overrated and want to try her hand at walking.  Did I mention that it's close to 4 and I have no idea what to cook for dinner, what's in the fridge, or what anyone is going to agree on eating?
 
That's not every day of course.  My mom is usually over to buffer crying fits and tantrums.  I get a change of scenery at Target or a quick trip to Starbucks.  In reality the bad days are few, but boy are they memorable.  I find myself more frustrated lately, because my youngest is almost one, and shouldn't after almost 4 years I have a handle on this?  I mean I got to plan for a child for 9 months.  Like really mentally prepare.  Tell myself that the days of sleeping in and being selfish were over.  How on earth did I end up this big hot mess of motherhood.  I'm confused, I finished college, I made it through high school, I was Vice President of my sorority for God's sake.... Why can't I get this motherhood job down?
 
Is it the pressures from the "other" moms... You know the ones, from the play dates or preschool.  The perfect ones, who's kids speak french, play the piano, and can write their name in Sanskrit.  You laugh, but you've been there, with teething biscuit on your shoulder, spit up on your boob, and your toddler jumping up and down like her hair is on fire.  Is it that we are too hard on ourselves?  Should we all decided that motherhood is what we make of it?  If we decide that our situation is perfect then it is, no matter what the books, magazines, or Internet articles say...
 
I don't hate this job.  Not really.  Not today?  It's hard, sometimes thankless, and exhausting.  It's also the one thing I didn't really picture myself doing.  That's the biggest surprise of all.  I talk and threaten to grab my keys and run away.  Even if I had the guts, I'd just be thinking of my girls the entire time.  I really thought I'd be the mom drinking martinis from the sidelines while someone else did the job.  Funny how those things change.  From the moment I held her Caity was my heart.  Even on those days when she argues like a Harvard Law graduate, it's her smile, her hugs, and her "I love you, Mommy"s that make it all worth it.  I can't imagine doing anything else.  Currently I won't be doing anything else. 
 
Today I love being a mom, on a typical Sunday in January.  Moms everywhere are finishing the dinner clean up and getting the kids ready for bed.  Looking forward to Monday, and the beginning of the week.  I said moms every where... Not at my house.  This mom has no dinner dishes due to the fact that she didn't cook, dad will be tending to bath time, I'm going to retire to the shower.  Yes a pretty typical Sunday or in my case almost everyday.  Motherhood is hard right?  I can't be expected to raise two upstanding young ladies and cook dinner....
 
Happy Blogging,
Megan
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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Who's That Girl

The person formerly known as Megan made an appearance last night.  Go ahead and laugh, but I'm very serious.  It was my hubby's birthday celebration and I pulled out all the stops. Shower, make-up (including eye brows), and hair (including flat iron).  I even wore new clothes.  Skinny jeans, plaid shirt, boots.  I have to laugh.  This would not be a big deal in some peoples life.  For this mother, it's a celebration in itself.

So how on earth did I get here? I'd like to say, I'm too busy being a Domestic Goddess, to mess with such things. That's a lie.  My house is in shambles, the dishes are dirty, the laundry is piled up, and both kids are screaming for reasons unknown.  I however continue to tune out as I drink tea and check out Perez Hilton from my iPhone.  I'll admit most days I'm too lazy to care about what the folks at Target and Vons think about my unwashed hair and the bags under my eyes. I have more important things to worry about, like making sure my girls look like they walked out of an Old Navy add, with clean faces and unstained clothes.  I'd have to say my priority is making the girls look good, which means Mommy takes a back seat.

I remember the days when leaving the house without makeup was simply out of the question.  If I remember correctly I never left the house without make up until I went on maternity leave when I was preggers with my first.  She'll be 4 in June.  Can I seriously admit that between the ages of 15 and 29 I never left the house without make up??? Wow!

I know there are mom's out there who do it. Everyday, get up, get make-up'd and get dressed.  They look presentable and I love them for it.  God bless you working moms, who do it day in day out and make it look good.  I guess I'm not that motivated.  I wish I was that motivated day in and day out.  I love to look, whats the word, decent?  I laugh, it's just that the other day while I was washing my hands, I look in the mirror and thought, "Who the hell is that old lady?.  Crap, it's me.

So maybe one resolution for the year is to take back my looks.  Make those things a priority!  Put on your make-up, flat iron that hair, shower for the love of all things holy.  I guess a better goal for me is to be happy with what I do have time for.  Maybe one day it's good looking hair, maybe another day it's eyebrows.  I'd like 2011 to be more about me making myself a priority.  There is nothing wrong with that, right?

So as I close for today - it is my Hubby's birthday, and I still need to go out and buy a cake (how's that for domestic goddess?), today is not the day for making my looks a priority.  As I write this, I'm still in my pajamas, as are both kids.  So tomorrow I'll start with new priorities, or maybe I'll just wear pjs again.

Happy blogging,
Megan 

Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm doing it, I did it, it's DONE!!

So I have been talking for a year now, OVER A YEAR, about starting a blog.  A friend of mine once told me she thought blogs were self indulgent and somewhat self centered.... Well DUH! I still love her, and she was right, but she's also my friend and loves me, so whatever.
So what was I gonna blog about exactly? For starters being a MOM. A stay at home mom, a full time, full life mom. Yeah, those little ones totally took over. My heart, my life, my wardrobe, my style? For those who knew me in my former life they knew that I once wanted to write for Vogue or In Style, I once bought a pair of shoes and built an outfit around it, and I devoured fashion magazines like chocolate. Those people would not recognize me today. Most days I look like a zombie clutching a Starbucks Venti cup!
I also wanted a place that us Moms could come together and be honest and support each other. I have lots of mom friends and we lean on each other and ask questions, and sometimes admit defeat.  That's what I hope will happen here.
I also hope that you will let me indulge in the things I love and obsess over. TV, Movies, pop culture, and yes Perez Hilton. 
So here I am. Introducing myself to the blogging world. Hoping that a few will follow and read. I've always wanted to write and have seen Julie and Julia enough times to finally say "you CAN do that".
Post a comment, ask my opinion, start a conversation.
Happy Blogging,
Megan