Ok, so not really, but this job is hard. In fact motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had and most likely will ever have. What amazes me is that I didn't have to apply for it. I didn't need a resume or references. Which is probably a good thing since I'm sure there were babies and children in my past that would have for sure put the kibosh on me being a mom.
Is it ok to say that some days I really do hate this job? I'm sure you are all thinking what an evil horrible mother, God help her babies! Or perhaps not. Being a mother has great rewards, your beautiful children who love you no matter what, their happy smiling faces, the strangers that compliment you on such nice and perfect children.... Except that doesn't happen every day.
Let's stop for a moment and talk about the guts, the nitty gritty, the REAL job description of MOTHERHOOD. If I saw this job on Craigslist I would have deleted it from making it into my email.
Wanted: Someone to be on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week; cook, clean; change diapers, pull ups, and occasional soiled underwear: don't forget to grocery shop, Target, Walmart, Costco, ET AL; Ability to be nurse, doctor, dentist, psychotherapist, counselor, cheerleader, concierge, taxi driver and all around journey man; A permanent smile is required, your personal hygiene in optional; Husband available; NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED. PAY: NONE, Holidays: NONE, Vacation days: NONE, Sick Days: NONE, Mental Health days optional depending on doctors note or spouse and or family committal.Who on God's green earth would have applied for this job? Raise your hands...
So it's not always that bad, but on a typical bad mommy day at my house the following is happening: My 8 month old is screaming at me, really screaming, from her walker while I try in vain to make breakfast for myself and my almost 4 year old, which I will eat, COLD. Then in the middle of it all said 8 month old will produce the smelliest diaper, which will then lead to the ultimate dilemma: change her now and eat a really cold breakfast, or change her after eating, and ruin a luke warm breakfast. After everyone is fed, diapered, and taken to the potty, said 8 month old may be ready for a nap, said toddler is ready to argue her way into candy, soda, cookies, and you are ready to drink your lunch. As the day progresses, I have yet to comb my hair or brush my teeth, toddler has cried and carried on about wearing tights and dresses, dirty pjs or pigtails in her hair, and infant has decided that crawling is overrated and want to try her hand at walking. Did I mention that it's close to 4 and I have no idea what to cook for dinner, what's in the fridge, or what anyone is going to agree on eating?
That's not every day of course. My mom is usually over to buffer crying fits and tantrums. I get a change of scenery at Target or a quick trip to Starbucks. In reality the bad days are few, but boy are they memorable. I find myself more frustrated lately, because my youngest is almost one, and shouldn't after almost 4 years I have a handle on this? I mean I got to plan for a child for 9 months. Like really mentally prepare. Tell myself that the days of sleeping in and being selfish were over. How on earth did I end up this big hot mess of motherhood. I'm confused, I finished college, I made it through high school, I was Vice President of my sorority for God's sake.... Why can't I get this motherhood job down?
Is it the pressures from the "other" moms... You know the ones, from the play dates or preschool. The perfect ones, who's kids speak french, play the piano, and can write their name in Sanskrit. You laugh, but you've been there, with teething biscuit on your shoulder, spit up on your boob, and your toddler jumping up and down like her hair is on fire. Is it that we are too hard on ourselves? Should we all decided that motherhood is what we make of it? If we decide that our situation is perfect then it is, no matter what the books, magazines, or Internet articles say...
I don't hate this job. Not really. Not today? It's hard, sometimes thankless, and exhausting. It's also the one thing I didn't really picture myself doing. That's the biggest surprise of all. I talk and threaten to grab my keys and run away. Even if I had the guts, I'd just be thinking of my girls the entire time. I really thought I'd be the mom drinking martinis from the sidelines while someone else did the job. Funny how those things change. From the moment I held her Caity was my heart. Even on those days when she argues like a Harvard Law graduate, it's her smile, her hugs, and her "I love you, Mommy"s that make it all worth it. I can't imagine doing anything else. Currently I won't be doing anything else.
Today I love being a mom, on a typical Sunday in January. Moms everywhere are finishing the dinner clean up and getting the kids ready for bed. Looking forward to Monday, and the beginning of the week. I said moms every where... Not at my house. This mom has no dinner dishes due to the fact that she didn't cook, dad will be tending to bath time, I'm going to retire to the shower. Yes a pretty typical Sunday or in my case almost everyday. Motherhood is hard right? I can't be expected to raise two upstanding young ladies and cook dinner....
Take this job and SHOVE IT...
at 7:08 PM